5 Tips for Coping with Grief Around the Holidays
The holiday season is often described as a joyful time, filled with celebrations, gatherings, and traditions. Whether it has been hours, weeks, or decades since losing a loved one, grief, loss, and bereavement can be difficult to manage during this season. Do you stay home? How do you respond to an invitation to a holiday event? Who can you talk to? To help you navigate the grief for you or someone you care about, below you will find 5 tips for coping with grief around the holidays.
5 Tips for Coping with Grief Around the Holidays:
Acknowledge Your Emotions
Create New Traditions (or Adapt Old Ones)
Set Boundaries and Communicate Your Needs
Find Small Moments for Self-Care
Connect with Supportive People or Groups
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
Grief is a personalized experience, often described as waves of emotions, from despair, anger to nostalgia and even moments of joy. These emotions can come unexpectedly and/or are triggered from stimuli around. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Pretending to be “okay” can be exhausting and may intensify feelings of isolation. It’s okay to cry, laugh, reminisce, or even feel moments of happiness—it’s all part of the grieving process. Accepting these emotions as they come can be freeing and help you process your grief in a healthy way. Feelings of guilt, fear, or regret may also be identified, if these emotions intensify or limit you from daily tasks/needs, it may be helpful to connect with a loved one, doctor, or therapist to process these emotions through.
2. Create New Traditions (or Adapt Old Ones)
Traditions are developed to honor memories within a group, and often are passed down through the generations. These memories which once brought joy, may elicit deep sadness and as though they are “regressing” in their healing journey. Finding ways to create new memories within the new group dynamic such as modifying old traditions or considering creating new traditions such as lighting a candle in their memory, volunteering or donating to a charity in their honor, or setting aside a special moment for reflection. If certain modifications, or adding of new activities feel too overwhelming, it’s okay to let them go for now. Over time, you might find new ways to incorporate your loved one’s memory into the holiday season.
3. Set Boundaries and Communicate Your Needs
Invitations for dinners, socials, or festive activities may be rolling in. While they likely mean well, it’s essential to prioritize your needs. If you feel up for participating, that is wonderful, accept with an understanding that the date of, you may decline if emotions shift; saying something like “thank you for the invite, I would love to attend, but may need to cancel if I am not feeling well that day”. If not, give yourself permission to decline or limit your time at events. You might say something like, “I’d love to join, but I may need to leave early” or “Thank you for the invitation, but I need a little space this year.” Clear communication can help others understand your boundaries without feeling hurt or confused.
4. Find Small Moments for Self-Care
Grief can put our self care activities off course with or without notice. Prioritizing small acts of self-care can help you manage this difficult time. Write in your calendar a time daily (even if it is 5 minutes) to spend time in nature, immerse self in creative or thought-provoking activities such as painting or doing crosswords. Listen to music, and consider taking breaks to breathe, meditate, or write in a journal. Sometimes the most foundational needs such as eating, sleep, or basic hygiene can be negatively impacted, at which point it is imperative to take things slowly, check in with someone close, and seek professional care such as a doctor or therapist.
5. Connect with Supportive People or Groups
Spending time with people who understand and accept your grief can be incredibly healing. Surround yourself with the right people or group of individuals where you may share your struggles with. Grief support groups increase commonality of understanding and acceptance, even if you are a low talker, hearing stories and feelings of others may make you realize you are not alone. There are a variety of grief support groups, from perinatal, cancer, pet loss, among others.
Grief is an ongoing journey. Remember, it’s okay to experience the holidays in your own way, and it’s also okay to find moments of joy amidst the sadness. It is okay to go out, and okay to stay home. Honor both your loved one and your own needs this season. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry both the love and the loss in ways that feel right for you.